“It’s not only what I want but it’s what I need”. On “gatekeeping”

Transgender people have gained more visibility over the last few years. From being non-existent to being exceedingly rare, today we hear of more and more transgendered people, and many of them are very young. Many of the young people who feel themselves to be transgendered, want to undertake body modifications, such as taking hormone blockers or hormone replacement, mastectomies for females, genital surgeries and/of facial surgeries. These are big decisions. How well are these young people screened to make sure there are no other disorders or reasons for wanting to transition that might cloud their judgement?

As is turns out, obtaining medical interventions has become rather easy.

This poster on tumblr, who is 17 years old, went from a general practitioner to a psychiatrist, who is referring them to an endocrinologist who will prescribe testosterone after just two sessions. “All in 1 week”.

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How many sessions with a gender therapist did you go to before you got prescribed hormones?“, is the title of a post on reddit.

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“Right away”, “three”, “after my first visit”, “2 months”, “after my second visit”, “4 sessions”.

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“Zero”, “zero”, “4-5”, “Two”. This is not a lot of time spent getting therapy.

A poster has seen a therapist who has told them that they are depressed and might not be transgender, The solution is to immediately find a new therapist:

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This 19 year old states in a post that “I’ve been in therapy for 4 months now and I’m ready to start hrt. It’s not only what I want but it’s what I need.”. Commenters advise the poster to lie to the therapist and say they are already taking hormones ordered online as a  strategy to get a prescription.

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The same poster a day later reports that “I no longer felt like I really needed hrt cause if I could feel like this forever then it didn’t matter if I had a male body“. One is left to wonder how many of the young people who report feeling absolutely 100% sure of their decision come to change their minds later – and how many of them could have benefited from therapy that they will not receive, as the “informed consent” style clinics become more and more common.

“Did sissy porn make me trans?”

Many people who come to think of themselves as transgender, start out watching large amounts of pornography. Two of the most common types are called “sissy porn” and “forced feminization” or “forced sissification”.  Some of these types of porn have “hypno” videos where the viewer is supposed to be “hypnotized” into becoming a woman. One popular site has the following text next to one of the videos:

You love cum. You want to be a girl. Being girly is what you really want. Admit to yourself that you are a girl and go ahead and do something about it. The world is different now. Being openly sissy is acceptable. The number of sissies globally is amazing and growing all the time. Forget about being a man. Embrace the real you. You are a sissy bimbo cumslut. You know you cannot settle with just one cock. You have to have many partners. You don’t care about the risks. You are addicted. You cannot stop. Cock is your life and like McDonald’s, you’re loving it.

For the men who watch these types of porn videos, “being a girl” is a sexual fetish, and it has nothing to do with actually being female. It is a type of BDSM porn where they get turned on by being forced to do degrading things. And for a great number of men, the most degrading thing of all is being a woman.

It is not uncommon for these men to start to question their gender.

Did sissy porn make me trans or was I trans all a long?, asks a poster to r/asktransgender.

I have always been attracted to men as long as I can remember. In particular, I have always been attracted to black men. After a while, I got bored of gay porn and started watching porn with transgender women in it. I started imagining myself in her position. About 3 years ago, I discovered sissy hypno videos, which in a nutshell are flashing subjective images telling you to wear panties, be girly, suck cock, and even take hormones. I became completely obsessed with these videos. Nothing got me off like these. It got to the point where I started wearing panties and imagining myself as a girl when I would masturbate. I personally think these videos just helped me realize that I am transgender. I never felt comfortable being a man. Before I hit puberty I was super androgynous and always enjoyed spending time with girls more than boys. I have never been able to enjoy sex and I think this is due to me being in the wrong body. I have had sex a handful of times and was not able to become aroused (even though they were studly men).

One month later, after two therapy sessions, the same poster is being advised by their therapist to start hormones. Note the references to suicide, both in therapy sessions, and in conversations with the poster’s mother.

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Commenters express concern that the therapist is moving rather fast with recommending hormones, and the OP replies:

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Turns out the therapist isn’t even seeing their clients in real life, just over webcamera.

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One month after that, hormones are acquired:

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Did anybody masturbate to transgender porn before they realized they were trans?, asks another poster, and the overwhelming answer is “yes”.

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This commenter admits that porn was the motivation for wanting to transition.

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A teenager is confused about sexuality and identity.

At 15-16 I discovered “traps” and transgenders, and found myself incredibly fascinated with and attracted to MtF transgenders (and feminine/androgynous males). I then found sissy hypno/forced-feminisation porn and was incredibly turned on by it and indulged in it ALOT. Around this age I also began to have this distinct/recurring thought of: “I wish I was a girl”, but without really knowing why. I began to feel a sort of split inside me: as if I had a male side which was masculine/dominant, and a female side which was feminine/submissive.

At 16-17 my porn addiction grew and I was spending alot of time on webcam sites. At one point I remember cutting up some of my t-shirts to shape them into skirts and wearing them (in private and on cam), as I was way too scared to buy girls clothes. On computer games I enjoyed having female characters and pretending to be a girl (on Second Life especially).

From 17 onwards, things were difficult. I continued being turned on by mostly straight, transgender and sissy porn. This sense of having a ‘boyside’ and ‘girlside’ became more clear. I began to accept that I was bisexual in the sense that I’m totally into girls (romantically and sexually), yet still have a sexual attraction to guys (but not romantic, I don’t see myself dating guys). I knew I had a porn addiction, which was causing problems (staying up late, insomnia, not studying). I thought that sissy hypno was the reason for me wanting to be a girl, and began trying to quit watching porn and repress the entire feminine side of myself and focus on being a normal guy. The stress of exams, insomnia and my inability to quit porn led to severe depression (I was diagnosed and prescribed antidepressants but didn’t take them). This went on for 1.5 years, in which time I seriously considered buying make-up/clothes online but didn’t, and made craigslist ads wanting to meet up with guys but didn’t.

After over 1.5 years of complete hell, I got to a somewhat healthy point where I was no longer depressed, exercising, getting good sleep, etc. I was still addicted to porn though and unable to figure out my sexuality/gender. I believed that sissy hypno was the only thing causing me to want to be a girl. I researched alot about porn addiction and nofap, and decided that if after 90 days of nofap (no porn or masturbating), I still felt the urge to be a girl, then I probably had gender issues and would address them.

Fast forward to now. I’m on my 18th day of no porn or masturbation, I’m getting good sleep, working out, not depressed, trying to just move on and be secure as a straight male at uni. I’m studying to become a teacher and really want to get a girlfriend this year (and eventually a wife/kids). Yet there’s still a part of me that wants to be a girl. I have no interest in stereotypically masculine things like sports/cars, I enjoy writing/reading (dream job is to be a novelist – fantasy/adventure/romance genres), I’ve imagined myself being comfortable as a female teacher. Often when I see attractive girls, I simultaneously want to have sex with her as a guy and actually be her.

I should note, when I look in the mirror I feel somewhat conflicted. Part of my loves my slender, almost feminine physique, and wants to be more feminine. Another part of me wants to workout and look more like a man (to be more attractive to girls more than anything else).

If I had a button which could make me a girl permanently, would I press it? Yes, without hesitating. If I had the option of being a father or a mother, which would I choose? At the moment, a father. But I’ve never experienced life as a girl so I don’t know. I’m trying to decide whether I should buy some make-up and girls clothes online, at least just to try it, see how it feels and see how I would look, then decide from there. But every time I consider it, I think about how impossible it would be – how everyone in my life would react. I’m really unsure about everything. From reading all of this, what do you think? Could I be transgender or bigender? Or just a male who has been influenced by sissy hypnosis/forced feminisation fetishes? Please help!

A severe porn addiction and depression that has lasted for years. Sterotypical views of what “being a girl” means (make-up and clothes seems to be the most important aspects). And this poster thinks that staying away from porn for a little over two weeks is enough to erase the influence it has had. Commenters are quick to chime in with “you sound trans”:

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Two months later, it seems that the OP has decided they might indeed be transgendered.

Yet another poster is confused about what role porn has played for them:

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And another:

I’ll try to keep this as succinct as possible but bear with me cuz this is bound to take a bit of text. Anyway, backdrop first I am a 25 yo guy in a nearly 3 yr relationship & I do legitimately love this girl. Lately, however, I’ve been struggling with what i suppose is gender dysphoria. I’m struggling to figure out if this is rooted solely in a sexual fetish of some sort… or perhaps a symptom of something deeper I am subconsciously trying to suppress. I have been into sissy/tg porn now for awhile, and it has been pretty much the standard for the past two years for me to imagine being in the female role whenever I masturbate. When I am with my gf though, it is just about us I am the guy she is the girl.. my mind doesn’t really go elsewhere except very rarely. I have always considered this being something I could compartmentalize into being nothing more than a sexual proclivity I indulged myself on my alone time. However, now I’m not so sure…

This poster has a “sissy/feminization fetish”, and it has led to gender confusion:dafuq2

He writes:

I can’t remember feeling any sort of gender confusion before I discovered this fetish (but that doesn’t mean I never did, I just can’t remember). Sometimes I feel like (since the brain is plastic after all) the dopamine release associated with my fetish has rewired my sexual preferences and possibly even my true gender.

He is also distressed by this turn of events and wants to rid himself of his fetish.

As transgenderism keeps becoming more mainstream, and more and more places are codifying into law that “identity” and not biological sex is supposed to be the determining factor for the use of sex-segregated facilities, it is important to talk about this phenomenon. Why are we not hearing more about these stories in the media? Why, when we hear talk of transgender people, are we always told that this has nothing to do with sexuality, but rather with some abstract identity? Could it be that it is because what we have seen in this post is less palatable to the public? We can assure you that this phenomenon is not at all uncommon. The posts you have seen here are a fraction of what can be found online written by males who after years of heavy porn consumption start to “feel female”.

“Cis people never question their gender”

The statement “cis people don’t question their gender” is a common trope in many online transgender communities. When a female poster asks r/asktransgender about her feelings about her gender, stating that she wants to dress in male clothes and be “suave and dapper and charismatic” instead of “cute, bubbly, and adorable”, she gets this reply:

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It’s that simple apparently. Being uncomfortable with female clothes and stereotypes = trans. The same sentiment comes up over and over again in various posts:

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Here:

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Here:

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This post, where the OP, a male who loves his penis but likes to dress up as a woman because he “gets off on the humiliation”, asks “is it normal for a cis male to even question his gender?”.

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The same poster posts again shortly after, saying that “I think I may be gender fluid and I don’t want to be. I just want to be a normal guy. I don’t want to be two genders. I just want to be a man.”, and that “I don’t desire transition. I don’t need to. I like to work out, I want abs like Batman. I want to be a big strong guy. So maybe it is just me being insecure…but still…”

Some of the replies:

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Another commenter disagrees:

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However, this single sane reply does not seem to make an impression on OP, who posts again, asking “what does it feel like to be a woman?”. When someone suggests he might be “gender fluid”, he states that he is not happy with that, and wishes to be “a normal happy man who doesn’t think he is a woman”. The reply he gets is that this is not possible. “This is not something you grow or mature out of”, and “people who try the same things don’t get much better results”.

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It’s not only on reddit either. The question is brought up on this forum: “Do cis people ever think they’re trans?”

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The meme that is reinforced again and again is that questioning your gender identity means you are trans. And like we saw in a previous post, the only cure for this is transitioning medically and socially. It is worth noting that this idea is reinforced again and again not only for the poster, but for everyone who reads the post. If you regularly read communities like these, you get this idea hammered into your head every time you read these comments.