“Transgender people kill themselves for less” – 16 year old girl is advised to buy her brother panties so he won’t kill himself

A 16 year old girl posts in reddit’s community TwoXChromosomes, asking for advice because she has found out that her 18 year old brother is stealing her underwear. (Archived link)

I was doing my laundry today (my parents make us do our own) and my brother had his in the dryer and left before it was done. I needed to use the dryer so I took his stuff out and when I was throwing it in his drawer for him something caught my eye and I looked and it was some of my underwear that had gone “missing.” I’m really disturbed and creeped out that he took it. What should I do? I left it there for now but I’m not sure what to do. Should I talk to him first? Or maybe my parents? Please help!

An adult male who in other comments claims to have been crossdressing for 35 years, who states that “wearing lipstick is my fetish” comes to offer advice!

Listen! DO NOT talk to your parents. I’m a guy who has not worn men’s underwear in decades. I’m a crossdresser. He probably wears them when he’s out of the house or is confident no one will find out.

Do this. Go to Walmart and buy him a package of three panties in the style he borrowed from you. Take your panties out of his drawer and replace them with the new package. Say nothing.

He has no comfortable way of buying his own so he stole yours. If in the future he stops borrowing your panties, you know he almost certainly is crossdressing. It’s harmless. Really. If he still borrows your panties, he probably has a fetish and then you tell him to stop using your things. If this was just some misunderstanding, he will ask what in the hell you are doing.

Keep your parents out of this. Transgender people kill themselves for less. Even if your parents are cool with it, the fact that they know and you told on him will destroy relationships forever.

A 16 year old girl is supposed to keep it a secret that her adult brother is stealing her underwear, and spend her own money to buy underwear for him because otherwise he might kill himself.

The 16 year old then posts to r/asktransgender (archived link), because after confronting her brother, he admitted to stealing the underwear because he is transgendered.

Again she is advised to buy her brother underwear and clothes so the brother doesn’t “have to” steal.

More commenters urging her to buy underwear for her brother:

“Contrary to what a lot of people on the r/TwoX[1] post said, these aren’t masturbation aids for him”, the same commenter assures OP. That is quite a claim, considering that r/asktransgender is FULL of posters talking about stealing their female relatives’ underwear and using them “for sexual purposes”.

“I’ve sometimes gone into my sister’s closet and tried on some of her clothes. Sometimes, it’s for sexual reasons”

“…wearing my step-mum’s lingerie when she is not home. (…) there is usually a sexual aspect”

“a lot of my feelings are tied in with being sexually excited while wearing womens clothing”

“Whenever I think about transitioning it usually gives me an erection, the same happens if I’m looking at makeup videos on Youtube or wearing women’s clothes.”

“I’ve had experiences of wearing women’s clothing and imagining myself as a girl or woman throughout most of my life. I’d usually just do it in secret for short bursts, and as I got older those periods would coincide with me masturbating.”

“My first experience with cross gender activity came from wearing my friend’s sister’s underwear (out of a dare or sorts) at around age 10. I took the pair home and idolized it. This spread to searching for more feminine clothing from my sister and mom (and my cousin when she lived with my mom).”

What kind of advice do these panty masturbators receive?

“This type of fetish is [a] really common way to express repressed dysphoria”

“its common for trans people to start out in early like fetishizing”

“I used to get arouse as well cross dressing or even thinking about it”

“I am a trans woman, but pre transitioning womens clothes, makeup, all those things turned me on.”

It’s probably safe to say that the original poster’s brother is masturbating in her underpants. And the solution to this is for the 16 year old girl to keep it a secret from their parents, and spend her own money on underwear for her brother, because otherwise he might kill himself. 

“It’s like there’s this whole part of me designed to enable me to dress myself well”

In this post we are going to look at some more examples of people wanting to transition to live as the opposite sex, whose desires seem to be rooted in sexist and old-fashioned stereotypes.

First out is this person, who loves “checking out stylish clothes”, and cries at movies. This must mean they are a woman, because only women do such things.

In another comment, the same person states that the reason for wanting a female body is that “if I actually had a female body, I could just relax and be myself”, which seems to involve crying and looking at men’s bodies. This is grossly sexist and homophobic. Why does nobody tell this poster that you don’t need a female body to cry and check out men?

This poster has been “feeling like a woman” for a month, which apparently has a lot to do with loving “pink frilly things and soft furry blankets”:

“Do memories make more sense?” asks this post, wherein people share memories from their childhood that “should have been a cue” about their gender. The post gets a lot of comments,

Trying on your mother’s heels, trying on your sister’s clothes, loving girl’s clothes, hating sports :

Note the sexism in the following exchange. Surely boys aren’t capable of enjoying a book about a girl?

Wanting to be a princess:

Dressing up as a female character from a fairy tale:

Having female friends, having a particular taste in books and tv shows:

This poster worries that taking estrogen will lead to a decreased juggling ability. A commenter explains that taking female hormones has had side effects like decreased spatial processing, and a need to do things “gently and gracefully”. Oh, and being the best most likely won’t be as important to you anymore. Cause, you know, women are just naturally less ambitious.

Fairly sure I’m MTF, need advice & help avoiding pitfalls, is the title of a long post, relevant features in bold:

I’ve had low-level doubts my entire life, which were much more significant starting in my teenage years, as I found I really preferred to think of sexuality as a woman. I assumed it was just a fetish and reassured myself out of it, but it was a worry for many years. (…)

Thinking of sexuality as a woman? What does this mean?

I’ve always been much, much closer with girls than with boys, with only one exception. I had one close childhood friend who was male, and in retrospect, I was usually the feminine one in the relationship. I remember giving him massages, actually, although I didn’t think anything of it at the time (I’d learned from my aunt). When the kids in my neighborhood got together and had ‘boy vs girl’ wars, I always found myself defecting back and forth, but ultimately ending up on the girls’ side.

I was raised more-or-less exclusively by my mother. My parents are together, but my father is very ineffectual.

I have, ever since I was very little, felt strong affection and empathy, but had a great deal of trouble allowing myself to express them. I realized this as a conscious problem around age 15, and earlier last year, at age 20, I managed to take down those emotional walls for one week. Being able to do so was, in my mind, the biggest accomplishment of the year.

Having female friends and  feeling empathy. Is this not something boys can do and have?

I have very strong internal gender roles. One set of things guys do, one set of things girls do. I have no doubt at least part of my feeling is that I really want to do things in the latter category.

I have a bit of scarring downstairs, which I assume is from being circumcised, but as a young child I was absolutely convinced that I’d had girl parts and they’d been sewn up. I didn’t really think anything of it, mind you, but the thought stayed for many years.

I take on some feminine mannerisms naturally. My first day of high school, after being homeschooled for some years, I found myself clutching my books to my chest with my arms around them. After a week of this, my mom pointed out that it was a very feminine gesture, which I honestly didn’t know, and I trained myself not to. Similarly, I’ve always naturally crossed my legs sitting down, which I didn’t know was a feminine pose until literally this last week. In fact, as I type this, I’m sitting in bed legs crossed, right over left.

Having “female mannerisms”.

I have not recognizably felt dysphoria towards my body. I don’t have a particularly good body image, though. I’m somewhat overweight, and not at all masculine (I strongly suspect naturally low testosterone), and have often worried about being ‘masculine enough’ in appearance.

Now, what got me seriously questioning was recent. About a year ago, a girl I’d known online and been rather fond of turned out to be MTF trans, a fact that surprised me. I’d always had the (in retrospect rather bigoted) view that you could always “tell”, and I was amazed that she could be…well, cute. Then more recently, someone else in the same community came out as trans, and I was really fascinated with the idea. I started reading through all their posts, trying to learn anything I could about it. One evening, the first girl mentioned that she’d found a great chat of TG folks, and as I was bored and curious, I went and lurked there. Once she left, I came out and talked to everyone, and after six hours of chatting with them they agreed I was probably MTF. I remember sort of exaggerating some things that first night – I had a conclusion I wanted them to get to, and I can’t tell even in retrospect if that was just because it’s a kink for me too.

I do definitely have masculine feelings sometimes. I feel a rush of conquest when I hike a long distance – I don’t have a car, so I have to walk to a fairly distant grocery store and bring food back, and I have the mental sensation of hunting as I do it. Similarly, I’m generally direct and rational, and until recently had very little patience for personal drama. I do mentally use the term ‘man’ to describe myself sometimes, even when I feel feminine, perhaps just out of habit.

(…)

One of the people in the channel ended up sending me a padded bra, which arrived five days ago. I more or less have not taken it off since – I grin at myself in the mirror wearing it, I wake up in a good mood because it’s on. I love wearing a shirt over it and seeing and feeling how it fills it out, and I feel almost naked without it now. I’d realllllllly like to get a full outfit, judging by how this has felt.

I find my urges fade for a brief time post-orgasm: I feel awkward in the bra and take it off for a while, my emotions fade for a bit, and I generally feel like ‘old me’. This worries me. It lasts for around an hour.

Even more ridiculous stereotypes about what it means to be a man or a woman (personal drama? Hunting? Being direct and rational?). And of course, the oft-seen sexual component, where the “urges” to be a woman goes away after masturbation.

“I identify as a woman but I think vaginas look gross”

Often in the media, transgender people are portrayed as being “trapped in the wrong bodies”, having an “unfortunate birth defect” or something similar. People born biologically male want to undergo procedures to make their bodies resemble those of people born female.

Except, of course, for those transgender people who “love the female body”, but find vaginas “gross”, and fully intent to keep their penises. Like this person:

Or this person:

Same person:

This person on Twitter:

Another

:

Or this person, who doesn’t like “how vaginas look”, but is getting a surgical vagina created anyway.

One has to wonder what it is about the female body people like this “love”, when they talk so casually about finding female reproductive organs and genitals “gross”.

“Did sissy porn make me trans?”

Many people who come to think of themselves as transgender, start out watching large amounts of pornography. Two of the most common types are called “sissy porn” and “forced feminization” or “forced sissification”.  Some of these types of porn have “hypno” videos where the viewer is supposed to be “hypnotized” into becoming a woman. One popular site has the following text next to one of the videos:

You love cum. You want to be a girl. Being girly is what you really want. Admit to yourself that you are a girl and go ahead and do something about it. The world is different now. Being openly sissy is acceptable. The number of sissies globally is amazing and growing all the time. Forget about being a man. Embrace the real you. You are a sissy bimbo cumslut. You know you cannot settle with just one cock. You have to have many partners. You don’t care about the risks. You are addicted. You cannot stop. Cock is your life and like McDonald’s, you’re loving it.

For the men who watch these types of porn videos, “being a girl” is a sexual fetish, and it has nothing to do with actually being female. It is a type of BDSM porn where they get turned on by being forced to do degrading things. And for a great number of men, the most degrading thing of all is being a woman.

It is not uncommon for these men to start to question their gender.

Did sissy porn make me trans or was I trans all a long?, asks a poster to r/asktransgender.

I have always been attracted to men as long as I can remember. In particular, I have always been attracted to black men. After a while, I got bored of gay porn and started watching porn with transgender women in it. I started imagining myself in her position. About 3 years ago, I discovered sissy hypno videos, which in a nutshell are flashing subjective images telling you to wear panties, be girly, suck cock, and even take hormones. I became completely obsessed with these videos. Nothing got me off like these. It got to the point where I started wearing panties and imagining myself as a girl when I would masturbate. I personally think these videos just helped me realize that I am transgender. I never felt comfortable being a man. Before I hit puberty I was super androgynous and always enjoyed spending time with girls more than boys. I have never been able to enjoy sex and I think this is due to me being in the wrong body. I have had sex a handful of times and was not able to become aroused (even though they were studly men).

One month later, after two therapy sessions, the same poster is being advised by their therapist to start hormones. Note the references to suicide, both in therapy sessions, and in conversations with the poster’s mother.

Commenters express concern that the therapist is moving rather fast with recommending hormones, and the OP replies:

Turns out the therapist isn’t even seeing their clients in real life, just over webcamera.

One month after that, hormones are acquired:

Did anybody masturbate to transgender porn before they realized they were trans?, asks another poster, and the overwhelming answer is “yes”.

This commenter admits that porn was the motivation for wanting to transition.

A teenager is confused about sexuality and identity.

At 15-16 I discovered “traps” and transgenders, and found myself incredibly fascinated with and attracted to MtF transgenders (and feminine/androgynous males). I then found sissy hypno/forced-feminisation porn and was incredibly turned on by it and indulged in it ALOT. Around this age I also began to have this distinct/recurring thought of: “I wish I was a girl”, but without really knowing why. I began to feel a sort of split inside me: as if I had a male side which was masculine/dominant, and a female side which was feminine/submissive.

At 16-17 my porn addiction grew and I was spending alot of time on webcam sites. At one point I remember cutting up some of my t-shirts to shape them into skirts and wearing them (in private and on cam), as I was way too scared to buy girls clothes. On computer games I enjoyed having female characters and pretending to be a girl (on Second Life especially).

From 17 onwards, things were difficult. I continued being turned on by mostly straight, transgender and sissy porn. This sense of having a ‘boyside’ and ‘girlside’ became more clear. I began to accept that I was bisexual in the sense that I’m totally into girls (romantically and sexually), yet still have a sexual attraction to guys (but not romantic, I don’t see myself dating guys). I knew I had a porn addiction, which was causing problems (staying up late, insomnia, not studying). I thought that sissy hypno was the reason for me wanting to be a girl, and began trying to quit watching porn and repress the entire feminine side of myself and focus on being a normal guy. The stress of exams, insomnia and my inability to quit porn led to severe depression (I was diagnosed and prescribed antidepressants but didn’t take them). This went on for 1.5 years, in which time I seriously considered buying make-up/clothes online but didn’t, and made craigslist ads wanting to meet up with guys but didn’t.

After over 1.5 years of complete hell, I got to a somewhat healthy point where I was no longer depressed, exercising, getting good sleep, etc. I was still addicted to porn though and unable to figure out my sexuality/gender. I believed that sissy hypno was the only thing causing me to want to be a girl. I researched alot about porn addiction and nofap, and decided that if after 90 days of nofap (no porn or masturbating), I still felt the urge to be a girl, then I probably had gender issues and would address them.

Fast forward to now. I’m on my 18th day of no porn or masturbation, I’m getting good sleep, working out, not depressed, trying to just move on and be secure as a straight male at uni. I’m studying to become a teacher and really want to get a girlfriend this year (and eventually a wife/kids). Yet there’s still a part of me that wants to be a girl. I have no interest in stereotypically masculine things like sports/cars, I enjoy writing/reading (dream job is to be a novelist – fantasy/adventure/romance genres), I’ve imagined myself being comfortable as a female teacher. Often when I see attractive girls, I simultaneously want to have sex with her as a guy and actually be her.

I should note, when I look in the mirror I feel somewhat conflicted. Part of my loves my slender, almost feminine physique, and wants to be more feminine. Another part of me wants to workout and look more like a man (to be more attractive to girls more than anything else).

If I had a button which could make me a girl permanently, would I press it? Yes, without hesitating. If I had the option of being a father or a mother, which would I choose? At the moment, a father. But I’ve never experienced life as a girl so I don’t know. I’m trying to decide whether I should buy some make-up and girls clothes online, at least just to try it, see how it feels and see how I would look, then decide from there. But every time I consider it, I think about how impossible it would be – how everyone in my life would react. I’m really unsure about everything. From reading all of this, what do you think? Could I be transgender or bigender? Or just a male who has been influenced by sissy hypnosis/forced feminisation fetishes? Please help!

A severe porn addiction and depression that has lasted for years. Sterotypical views of what “being a girl” means (make-up and clothes seems to be the most important aspects). And this poster thinks that staying away from porn for a little over two weeks is enough to erase the influence it has had. Commenters are quick to chime in with “you sound trans”:

Two months later, it seems that the OP has decided they might indeed be transgendered.

Yet another poster is confused about what role porn has played for them:

And another:

I’ll try to keep this as succinct as possible but bear with me cuz this is bound to take a bit of text. Anyway, backdrop first I am a 25 yo guy in a nearly 3 yr relationship & I do legitimately love this girl. Lately, however, I’ve been struggling with what i suppose is gender dysphoria. I’m struggling to figure out if this is rooted solely in a sexual fetish of some sort… or perhaps a symptom of something deeper I am subconsciously trying to suppress. I have been into sissy/tg porn now for awhile, and it has been pretty much the standard for the past two years for me to imagine being in the female role whenever I masturbate. When I am with my gf though, it is just about us I am the guy she is the girl.. my mind doesn’t really go elsewhere except very rarely. I have always considered this being something I could compartmentalize into being nothing more than a sexual proclivity I indulged myself on my alone time. However, now I’m not so sure…

This poster has a “sissy/feminization fetish”, and it has led to gender confusion:

He writes:

I can’t remember feeling any sort of gender confusion before I discovered this fetish (but that doesn’t mean I never did, I just can’t remember). Sometimes I feel like (since the brain is plastic after all) the dopamine release associated with my fetish has rewired my sexual preferences and possibly even my true gender.

He is also distressed by this turn of events and wants to rid himself of his fetish.

As transgenderism keeps becoming more mainstream, and more and more places are codifying into law that “identity” and not biological sex is supposed to be the determining factor for the use of sex-segregated facilities, it is important to talk about this phenomenon. Why are we not hearing more about these stories in the media? Why, when we hear talk of transgender people, are we always told that this has nothing to do with sexuality, but rather with some abstract identity? Could it be that it is because what we have seen in this post is less palatable to the public? We can assure you that this phenomenon is not at all uncommon. The posts you have seen here are a fraction of what can be found online written by males who after years of heavy porn consumption start to “feel female”.

Schrodinger’s trans: sexual fetish or transgender

Being transgender is often portrayed as having some sort of essence of the opposite sex, being the opposite sex in the mind or brain. We are also told that “gender identity” has nothing to do with sexuality. Why is it then, that there are so many people for whom being seen as a woman is sexually gratifying and stimulating?

This person likes airing their penis in women’s dressing rooms:

This person feels aroused at the thought of being female, while at the same time disliking women because “they were the center of attention”. He’s unsure whether he’s trans or not.

This person has a “transformation fetish“:

This charming person, who we’ve already seen in a previous post, is “completely a boy” in his head, because he likes video games and cars, but he wants a female body so that he can be “dominated and fucked in bed“:

This fellow gets a weird happy feeling and an erection whenever thinking about being the opposite gender:

This person gets erections from wearing skirts:

Why are so many male people confusing being aroused by something and wanting to become that thing? Why are nobody questioning these motivations? Are most women comfortable sharing locker rooms and other facilities with people who by their own admission gets so turned on they have to masturbate just by “feeling female”?

” I feel like I have to try so hard as a guy” vs “I hate how I’m treated”. Motives for wanting to transition

We have seen previously on this blog that people who want to transition to the other gender often have other motives for doing so than gets presented in the usual stories we see in the media. The stories we see in the media portray being transgender as being true to some inner essence – like the rebirth of  Bruce as Caitlyn, someone who was always there, inside, the real soul inside the body.

In reality? People who transition have many different motives for doing so. Some transitioners feel that their personalities would fit better in the bodies of the opposite sex. .Thinking that the other sex has it better and easier is not uncommon. This is also seen in this post:

Sometimes, sexual feelings are part of it, as we see in this post:

Some questioners (especially the ones who are born female) hate the way they are treated by others as their birth sex:

Regular old-fashioned sexism is now making young women question whether they are really men inside. This is a sexist consequence of a sexist ideology.

“I feel like it takes me effort to act ‘masculine’. Am I transgender?”

Is it even possible to come to communities like r/asktransgender as a questioning person and be told that you are in fact, not transgender? Let us take a look at this post:

I feel like I’ve always wanted to be a woman for a very very long time. I always felt different from other people, and I didn’t feel necessarily “masculine” or anything like that. Didn’t understand the whole macho thing growing up either, wasn’t very sporty.

I watched a shitton of porn from an early age growing up, so I’m not sure if this fucked me up or just exacerbated everything, but I could always remember wanting to be a woman. I’m highly attracted to women – I LOVE them… they are so beautiful. And I was so envious. I would imagine things like “if I were a woman, I would do x, y and z” etc… I would try on some of my mom’s underwear and liked it. I still have the desire to do that.

I look at women and I love them so much. But I always feel this jealousy, like they are just the ideal “kind of human” to be. If you could be anyone, you should want to be a woman. I love how they look, how they are, and I feel like I just want to act feminine so badly. I want to wear makeup. I want to make myself look pretty and wear girl’s clothes. I want to feel sexy. All these things. Maybe that isn’t representative of the ENTIRETY of being a woman, but it’s how I feel.

Might come off as an asshole here, and I don’t mean to offend anyone, but I’m just trying to get my feelings out: I feel like guys are losers. I don’t like guys. They are gross, they aren’t beautiful or attractive; I don’t understand the preoccupation of being macho or something (I know not all guys are like this, but I’m just trying to explain that I don’t understand how your “typical guy” acts and why they do that). I feel like it takes me effort to act “masculine”. I’ve gotten kinda good at it, but lately all these thoughts about being a woman and being transgender have been popping into my head. I fear I’m really suppressing this stuff and that scares me.

Post is long enough, I guess I’m done for now. Does anyone have any thoughts? Am I transgender? Do I just want to be a woman, but I don’t have actual dysphoria or anything like that? I’m not sure if I FEEL like I’m a woman, but I feel like I want to BE one, or I’d love to become one. Is that the same thing as being transgender? I feel a bit better talking about this, but it still freaks me out. Please help.

Feeling “different”, not being interested in acting stereotypically masculine, not liking sports, wanting to be beautiful and sexy. Admits to watching a lot of porn and feels unsure how this has affected him. Note that he says that he doesn’t have dysphoria about his body, he just wants to be what he imagines women to be (sexy, beautiful etc).

The comments?

“We can’t tell you what to do, but you’re totally trans”

“One of us, one of us!”

A single voice of dissent, urging the poster to reflect on what it is about women that makes him feel the way he does, and learning to love himself. And it’s downvoted:

Learning to be happy with yourself the way you are is so old-fashioned, this is 2015, where in order to be “yourself” you need medical procedures!