I didn’t like doing all the stereotypical girl things

A young teenager tells the internet “how I knew I was trans”:

Partial transcript:

basically…it has to do with my coming out story…and…well…ever since I was a little kid I knew there was something different about me and I didn’t like doing all the stereotypical girl things that all my friends liked to do at the time. I…as soon as I was able to dress myself I…I started dressing from the guys department

(…)

my mom put me in ballet and I decided no I don’t wanna go to ballet, I’m gonna play in the mud and so yeah. I did sports as a little kid and I was really into that kind of stuff and I always thought that I’m eh…I’m different

(…)

I dressed like a guy every single day, I wore guy clothes, guy shoes, I did guy things, hung out with guys, um, everything that a little boy would do. My mom started getting mad, she  told me I need to dress like a little girl and act like one too. And I was like “no mom I don’t like doing that and I never wore dresses and  never wore a skirt, never wore heels. Graduation was a…graduation was horrible, I mean…dress shopping, it didn’t feel right!

(…)

halfway through sophomore year I was watching this video on YouTube of a boy and his transition, and I was like oh my god, this makes sense now

It’s a familiar story in many ways. A female child who does not like to do the things that society tells little girls that they should like.  Parents who, as the kid grows older, to an increasing degree try to force the kid into this role they do not want. And finally, discovering YouTube and the many “transition videos” on it. Bingeing on these videos for a couple of weeks, and suddenly wanting to change their sex.  These kids end up medical patients for the rest of their lives. They want to start taking testosterone. Ten, twenty years ago, finding yourself as a teen meant getting a tattoo of a Chinese character, maybe some piercings. For these kids, it means starting medical treatments that can make them sterile. After five years on testosterone, the cancer risk explodes and a complete hysterectomy is required. Quite the price to pay for wanting to escape the restrictive feminine gender role.

Several commenters have similar experiences to the young person in the video:

“I’ve always tried to force myself to be ‘girly'”

Where is feminism for these young women? Where are the role models that can show them how to be women without being “girly”?

A similar comment on a different video:

“I binge watched videos for a week, and I just knew”

Again and again, we see this tale. Young women who dislike performing femininity discovering transition videos, and becoming transgender.

A slightly different story, told by Aydian Ethan Dowling, is seen in the video below. As a young girl, Dowling was not gender policed as heavily as many other aspiring transitioners.

Partial transcript, from around 8:15:

I didn’t know what transgender was. I didn’t know you could live that. Maybe if I knew that when I was younger, maybe I would have, um you know. Maybe I would have been more vocal about wanting to do that [transitioning], or maybe I would have known earlier that I wanted to do that. But I didn’t know I was transgender. I didn’t! I had no idea. Ah. Maybe if I lived in a house where…you know, I was being the girl, I was made to do dishes, or, or, clean, or cook, or you know, do my nails, or what, you know. I didn’t have those pressures of doing that.

So apparently, according to Aydian Dowling, if a girl is not trans, she’d be just fine with being made to do dishes, cook, and do her nails. And presumably, if Dowling had been made to do those things, then “maybe I would have known earlier”, to quote the video.

More and more young women are watching these videos on YouTube. Not just watching them, binge-watching them, and in a very short amount of time they decide that they are transgender. These are often troubled young women, trying to fit in in a society where the genders are becoming more and more separated by stereotypes. Many of them are having a difficult time coming to terms with themselves, with their bodies, with their sexuality. But the implications of the stories told in these videos is often sexist. These young women need other stories, other voices.

 

It’s a girl’s dick

Remember when people talked about sex and gender being different, and that you could be male but identify as a woman, for example? Well, this is now outdated, apparently.

Talking about “biological sex”is transphobic:

While it is true that gender and sex are different things, and that gender is indeed a social construct, sex isn’t the Ultimate Biological Reality that transphobes make it out to be. There’s nothing intrinsically male about XY chromosomes, testosterone, body hair, muscle mass or penises. If an alien civilization found earth, they wouldn’t look at a person with a penis and say “Oh, that must be a male, sex based on genitalia is the One Universal Constant.” Sex, like gender, is indeed socially constructed and can be changed.

Sex and gender are the exact same according to this blog

What is the consequence of this view? Well, being homosexual no longer has any meaning, for one, as seen by the screenshots below:

Two vaginas make gay male sex

Genitals are completely irrelevant

Penises are female

In a community on reddit for lesbians, a poster reminds everyone that penises can be “girly”:

 

The original post was since removed, but the coments can still be seen

 

“I don’t have a dick, a cock. What I have is soft, delicate, and pretty, It’s as sensitive as a cis woman’s clit. It’s a girl’s dick. [I]f you are on teh fence, if you don’t know if you could, I can show you it’s like nothing you’ve ever experienced,” this person writes.

Below are more examples of transactivists being enraged that some people have preferences that do not include them:

Being a lesbian is hate speech

Having sexual preferences is violent dehumanization

If you aren’t attracted to penises, you need to change

 

Lesbians having “the fucking nerve” to say that they don’t like dick

 

Being attracted to genitals is “a fetish”

Open yourselves up to trans women!

Comedian Avery Edison writes at length about how it is hurtful when lesbians don’t want penis inside them:

Look, it’s not like I require the women I date to be cool with having my dick inside them. In fact, I’m fine if that never happens. But being shut off from the very idea of it, not even considering that having my penis inside you is different from having a man’s penis inside you? That hurts. It’s such tiny slight that I wish I could get over it, and not let it fester into something I feel the need to write an essay about, but apparently I can’t.

 

The Cambridge University Students’ Union LGBT group has an ask.fm, an on it we find answers like this: (archive)

I’m going to take a not-too-far leap and assume you’re talking about being attracted, or not attracted, to certain genitalia. If so, examine your thought processes. When you see someone presenting feminine, does your mind immediately jump to what genitals they have before you consider whether or not you find them attractive? Or do you simply presume, based on other physical characteristics (what might be termed ‘secondary sex characteristics’)? If the latter, that’s a cissexist presumption. Sure, we all do it. But we need to make sure we think twice.

(…)

Also: I’m sure you personally aren’t violently transmisogynistic, but the same things that lead you to ask these questions are the things that lead to trans women’s deaths. This sexuality related disgust is shared by men who treat trans women (especially trans women of colour) as sex objects. This disgust is by far the most common cause of their brutal murders.

In this thread, a woman is agonizing because she doesn’t like penises, but at the same time she doesn’t want to be a bigot:

I often say things like “thank god I’m a lesbian, no unplanned babies for me” and I’m occasionally reminded that some girls are able to get other girls pregnant. I’m usually taken back and ashamed that I said what ever I did. That being said, I would never date a person with a penis, regardless of gender. I don’t think of trans women with penises as less of a woman, I just…. can’t.

 

This is one of the replies:

Not liking penis is “disturbing”

In another thread, the commenter below expresses the sentiment that “lezzies” are “fucked up”, presumably for not being in a relationship with him:

“The cotton ceiling” is a term used by transactivists to describe the difficulties transpeople have with getting people to be in sexual relationships with them.

a term porn actress Drew DeVaux and other queer trans women are using to challenge cis lesbians’ tendency to support trans causes generally but draw the line at sleeping with trans women or including trans lesbians in their sexual communities.

Is is further explained here:

The term cotton ceiling is a reference to the “glass ceiling” that second wave feminist identified in the workforce, wherein women could only advance so high in the workforce but could not break through into positions of power and authority. The cotton represents underwear, signifying sex.

More examples of cotton ceiling can be found here: http://terfisaslur.com/cotton-ceiling/

“It’s like there’s this whole part of me designed to enable me to dress myself well”

In this post we are going to look at some more examples of people wanting to transition to live as the opposite sex, whose desires seem to be rooted in sexist and old-fashioned stereotypes.

First out is this person, who loves “checking out stylish clothes”, and cries at movies. This must mean they are a woman, because only women do such things.

In another comment, the same person states that the reason for wanting a female body is that “if I actually had a female body, I could just relax and be myself”, which seems to involve crying and looking at men’s bodies. This is grossly sexist and homophobic. Why does nobody tell this poster that you don’t need a female body to cry and check out men?

This poster has been “feeling like a woman” for a month, which apparently has a lot to do with loving “pink frilly things and soft furry blankets”:

“Do memories make more sense?” asks this post, wherein people share memories from their childhood that “should have been a cue” about their gender. The post gets a lot of comments,

Trying on your mother’s heels, trying on your sister’s clothes, loving girl’s clothes, hating sports :

Note the sexism in the following exchange. Surely boys aren’t capable of enjoying a book about a girl?

Wanting to be a princess:

Dressing up as a female character from a fairy tale:

Having female friends, having a particular taste in books and tv shows:

This poster worries that taking estrogen will lead to a decreased juggling ability. A commenter explains that taking female hormones has had side effects like decreased spatial processing, and a need to do things “gently and gracefully”. Oh, and being the best most likely won’t be as important to you anymore. Cause, you know, women are just naturally less ambitious.

Fairly sure I’m MTF, need advice & help avoiding pitfalls, is the title of a long post, relevant features in bold:

I’ve had low-level doubts my entire life, which were much more significant starting in my teenage years, as I found I really preferred to think of sexuality as a woman. I assumed it was just a fetish and reassured myself out of it, but it was a worry for many years. (…)

Thinking of sexuality as a woman? What does this mean?

I’ve always been much, much closer with girls than with boys, with only one exception. I had one close childhood friend who was male, and in retrospect, I was usually the feminine one in the relationship. I remember giving him massages, actually, although I didn’t think anything of it at the time (I’d learned from my aunt). When the kids in my neighborhood got together and had ‘boy vs girl’ wars, I always found myself defecting back and forth, but ultimately ending up on the girls’ side.

I was raised more-or-less exclusively by my mother. My parents are together, but my father is very ineffectual.

I have, ever since I was very little, felt strong affection and empathy, but had a great deal of trouble allowing myself to express them. I realized this as a conscious problem around age 15, and earlier last year, at age 20, I managed to take down those emotional walls for one week. Being able to do so was, in my mind, the biggest accomplishment of the year.

Having female friends and  feeling empathy. Is this not something boys can do and have?

I have very strong internal gender roles. One set of things guys do, one set of things girls do. I have no doubt at least part of my feeling is that I really want to do things in the latter category.

I have a bit of scarring downstairs, which I assume is from being circumcised, but as a young child I was absolutely convinced that I’d had girl parts and they’d been sewn up. I didn’t really think anything of it, mind you, but the thought stayed for many years.

I take on some feminine mannerisms naturally. My first day of high school, after being homeschooled for some years, I found myself clutching my books to my chest with my arms around them. After a week of this, my mom pointed out that it was a very feminine gesture, which I honestly didn’t know, and I trained myself not to. Similarly, I’ve always naturally crossed my legs sitting down, which I didn’t know was a feminine pose until literally this last week. In fact, as I type this, I’m sitting in bed legs crossed, right over left.

Having “female mannerisms”.

I have not recognizably felt dysphoria towards my body. I don’t have a particularly good body image, though. I’m somewhat overweight, and not at all masculine (I strongly suspect naturally low testosterone), and have often worried about being ‘masculine enough’ in appearance.

Now, what got me seriously questioning was recent. About a year ago, a girl I’d known online and been rather fond of turned out to be MTF trans, a fact that surprised me. I’d always had the (in retrospect rather bigoted) view that you could always “tell”, and I was amazed that she could be…well, cute. Then more recently, someone else in the same community came out as trans, and I was really fascinated with the idea. I started reading through all their posts, trying to learn anything I could about it. One evening, the first girl mentioned that she’d found a great chat of TG folks, and as I was bored and curious, I went and lurked there. Once she left, I came out and talked to everyone, and after six hours of chatting with them they agreed I was probably MTF. I remember sort of exaggerating some things that first night – I had a conclusion I wanted them to get to, and I can’t tell even in retrospect if that was just because it’s a kink for me too.

I do definitely have masculine feelings sometimes. I feel a rush of conquest when I hike a long distance – I don’t have a car, so I have to walk to a fairly distant grocery store and bring food back, and I have the mental sensation of hunting as I do it. Similarly, I’m generally direct and rational, and until recently had very little patience for personal drama. I do mentally use the term ‘man’ to describe myself sometimes, even when I feel feminine, perhaps just out of habit.

(…)

One of the people in the channel ended up sending me a padded bra, which arrived five days ago. I more or less have not taken it off since – I grin at myself in the mirror wearing it, I wake up in a good mood because it’s on. I love wearing a shirt over it and seeing and feeling how it fills it out, and I feel almost naked without it now. I’d realllllllly like to get a full outfit, judging by how this has felt.

I find my urges fade for a brief time post-orgasm: I feel awkward in the bra and take it off for a while, my emotions fade for a bit, and I generally feel like ‘old me’. This worries me. It lasts for around an hour.

Even more ridiculous stereotypes about what it means to be a man or a woman (personal drama? Hunting? Being direct and rational?). And of course, the oft-seen sexual component, where the “urges” to be a woman goes away after masturbation.

“I identify as a woman but I think vaginas look gross”

Often in the media, transgender people are portrayed as being “trapped in the wrong bodies”, having an “unfortunate birth defect” or something similar. People born biologically male want to undergo procedures to make their bodies resemble those of people born female.

Except, of course, for those transgender people who “love the female body”, but find vaginas “gross”, and fully intent to keep their penises. Like this person:

Or this person:

Same person:

This person on Twitter:

Another

:

Or this person, who doesn’t like “how vaginas look”, but is getting a surgical vagina created anyway.

One has to wonder what it is about the female body people like this “love”, when they talk so casually about finding female reproductive organs and genitals “gross”.