I didn’t like doing all the stereotypical girl things

A young teenager tells the internet “how I knew I was trans”:

Partial transcript:

basically…it has to do with my coming out story…and…well…ever since I was a little kid I knew there was something different about me and I didn’t like doing all the stereotypical girl things that all my friends liked to do at the time. I…as soon as I was able to dress myself I…I started dressing from the guys department

(…)

my mom put me in ballet and I decided no I don’t wanna go to ballet, I’m gonna play in the mud and so yeah. I did sports as a little kid and I was really into that kind of stuff and I always thought that I’m eh…I’m different

(…)

I dressed like a guy every single day, I wore guy clothes, guy shoes, I did guy things, hung out with guys, um, everything that a little boy would do. My mom started getting mad, she  told me I need to dress like a little girl and act like one too. And I was like “no mom I don’t like doing that and I never wore dresses and  never wore a skirt, never wore heels. Graduation was a…graduation was horrible, I mean…dress shopping, it didn’t feel right!

(…)

halfway through sophomore year I was watching this video on YouTube of a boy and his transition, and I was like oh my god, this makes sense now

It’s a familiar story in many ways. A female child who does not like to do the things that society tells little girls that they should like.  Parents who, as the kid grows older, to an increasing degree try to force the kid into this role they do not want. And finally, discovering YouTube and the many “transition videos” on it. Bingeing on these videos for a couple of weeks, and suddenly wanting to change their sex.  These kids end up medical patients for the rest of their lives. They want to start taking testosterone. Ten, twenty years ago, finding yourself as a teen meant getting a tattoo of a Chinese character, maybe some piercings. For these kids, it means starting medical treatments that can make them sterile. After five years on testosterone, the cancer risk explodes and a complete hysterectomy is required. Quite the price to pay for wanting to escape the restrictive feminine gender role.

Several commenters have similar experiences to the young person in the video:

“I’ve always tried to force myself to be ‘girly'”

Where is feminism for these young women? Where are the role models that can show them how to be women without being “girly”?

A similar comment on a different video:

“I binge watched videos for a week, and I just knew”

Again and again, we see this tale. Young women who dislike performing femininity discovering transition videos, and becoming transgender.

A slightly different story, told by Aydian Ethan Dowling, is seen in the video below. As a young girl, Dowling was not gender policed as heavily as many other aspiring transitioners.

Partial transcript, from around 8:15:

I didn’t know what transgender was. I didn’t know you could live that. Maybe if I knew that when I was younger, maybe I would have, um you know. Maybe I would have been more vocal about wanting to do that [transitioning], or maybe I would have known earlier that I wanted to do that. But I didn’t know I was transgender. I didn’t! I had no idea. Ah. Maybe if I lived in a house where…you know, I was being the girl, I was made to do dishes, or, or, clean, or cook, or you know, do my nails, or what, you know. I didn’t have those pressures of doing that.

So apparently, according to Aydian Dowling, if a girl is not trans, she’d be just fine with being made to do dishes, cook, and do her nails. And presumably, if Dowling had been made to do those things, then “maybe I would have known earlier”, to quote the video.

More and more young women are watching these videos on YouTube. Not just watching them, binge-watching them, and in a very short amount of time they decide that they are transgender. These are often troubled young women, trying to fit in in a society where the genders are becoming more and more separated by stereotypes. Many of them are having a difficult time coming to terms with themselves, with their bodies, with their sexuality. But the implications of the stories told in these videos is often sexist. These young women need other stories, other voices.

 

I wasn’t like other girls. I liked pokemon, I liked Dragonball Z

A young person talks about discovering their true nature as a boy:

Transcription, from 0:11 to 5:40

Today I’m going to be talking about how I knew I was trans. Probably back in the 3rd grade when I started realizing that I wasn’t like other girls. I just loved Pokemon, I loved Dragonball Z, I loved…I didn’t really like Dragonball Z. I liked the…Bayblades, I liked, you know, things like that. Things that you don’t find in the girl’s section of the toy store. Of course I didn’t know I was trans at that time, I just knew that I…didn’t like doing what other girls liked doing. I hated makeup. I hated pink. I hated dresses. I literally cried at my 8th grade graduation cause my mom forced me to wear a dress. I cried. Like full-blown, tears crying tantrum, I cried. Like, cried. There are several instances in my life that I’m looking back at now and actually cracking up about because it was so blatantly obvious, and no one in my family, no one at all really, knew what transgender was, so obviously no one could really put a term to it.

Liking Pokemon and Beyblades are now signs that a person born female is not really a female after all. Likewise hating pink and makeup. Notice how this young woman was policed into gender roles by her mother, forcing her to wear a dress to her graduation.

The video has many comments, including this comment by a 12 year old child:

12 year old doesn’t like being a girl, wants to wear loose pants

My problem is I’m a girl but I don’t like it at all, I like to wear guy clothes like collar shirts or loose pants or the guys hip pants were there really loose. I can’t tell my family because they will think it just a fase or I’m just a tomboy. As of like you said, I don’t like to be indemnified as a girl, I want to known as a guy but I’m scared to talk to m ups rents about it cause I’m only 12 but Im really smart and I’m like an 15 year old. I don’t know what to do after and if I tell my parents about it, like will they take me to a doctor or something? Do I get surgery to get rid of chest? How did it work for you? Do u still have a female body or no? Please let me know as soon as possible, thanks: [redacted]

 

Wanting to wear collar shirts and loose pants: reason to have surgery to remove your chest.

Another comment by a 15 year old male:

“always looking our for barbie doll commercials”

Yet another comment:

“I was jealous of the stuff in the boys gift boxes”

In a world where toys are more divided by gender now than they were 50 years ago, and where it’s easy to find popular videos on YouTube of kids claiming to know they are “really” the opposite sex because they enjoy things meant for the opposite sex, is it really strange that “gender clinics” are seeing a massive rise in referrals?

Like the male child in this article, whose parents took him to multiple psychologists and therapists because he liked “girly” things:

Tru preferred playing with dolls rather than trucks and cars. There was a lot of role playing in female characters, dressing up as a fairy and pretending to have long hair.

Michelle and husband Garfield spoke to the preschool teacher about Tru’s behavior and were told at such a young age it’s not a flag for anything; kids are just curious and try things out.

“And then it progressed and kept getting stronger and stronger, and every chance she had to dress up she was wearing a dress and fairy wings,” says Michelle. “As soon as I got home, I would put on my favourite fairy wings, my favourite sparkly dress, my favourite wig,” Tru says.

(…)

“It’s acceptable for girls to be tomboys,” says Michelle. “Who wouldn’t want to be masculine and tough? But for boys to persist in [feminine] behavior, it usually is an indicator of something more.”

 

Or how about these siblings, who liked activities not stereotypically associated with their sex:

Beth and her husband Russ — who moved to Cincinnati when kids Russie and Aly were tiny — noticed their children were different from a young age.

At five, Russie liked to play dressing up with girls and Aly, three years younger, preferred to kick a football with the boys.

Or this individual, who felt like he needed “butt pads” to live as his “real me”:

When I was a child I played with Barbie dolls and all my friends were girls. I had an automatic bond with everything feminine and beautiful. We had a gorgeous long hallway and every chance I got I would take a few steps, kneel, and pull down my pants. One day when I was five, my mother noticed this and asked, “Why would you do that?” I couldn’t explain it and I was scared, knowing she was angry, so I kept quiet. “Never do that again,” she told me, and I never did. Later I realized that although I was doing it completely wrong, I was imitating a woman I had seen in a movie, curtsying down that hall.

For Halloween when I was 9, my sister dressed me up in an ugly green gown and grey wig. I felt like a beauty queen, walking up and down the street waving at every car that drove by. My mother couldn’t get me in the house, until she finally had enough. That day was the happiest day of my life until I was 22.

It was then I realized I couldn’t live the life others wanted me to live, and slowly begin transitioning. I threw away my boy clothes and gradually accumulated everything that I needed to feel like myself: nails, wigs, makeup, clothing, and even butt pads. I was living two lives, male by day, woman by night.

 

However, many transgender activists are quick to assure everyone that being trans has nothing at all to do with stereotypes.

“Gender stereotypes have nothing to do with gender”

It has nothing to do with stereotypes, which is why there are multiple threads in reddit’s r/asktransgender where people list characteristics that make them realize in retrospect that they are trans (archive), such as:

“I’m horrible at mathematics – typically femme”

“I was always afraid of spiders”

“I liked singing and dancing”

“I asked my mother to let me grow my hair long”

“I loved to wear nail polish”

Visit the linked post for more examples. Being transgender is not about gender stereotypes, except when it is. Which is often.

 

 

A magical pill to bypass suffering: how teens are persuaded to start transition

As ever on  reddit communities for transgendered people, young teens uncertain about themselves post, and these young teens are overwhelmingly told to start taking hormones in order to try to make their bodies resemble the oppsisite sex.

A 14 year old boy posts: “I think that I might be trans and am unsure about what to do and I need some advice.” There are two replies, none of which try to get this child to reflect on what he means by “being male”, or why he might be uncomfortable with puberty.

“Your body is in prime shape for transition”

No, instead they tell him that his body is in prime shape for transition! Implied of course, that it will not stay in prime shape forever. The commenter also assures the child that since he has been uneasy with the start of puberty, he will surely keep being uncomfortable with it. As if being weirded out with the start of puberty is some sign of illness, instead of being a completely normal experience.

In this post, a 15 year old child is told exactly how to obtain hormones without a prescription, including dosages. This commenter advices the kid to get prescribed the medications he wants under false pretenses. (Archive link for the entire post)

“High blood pressure”

Another 15 year old wants to know how to go behind his parents’ backs and obtain prescription medications illegally.

Today my parents said some things that make me unable to come out to them. The problem is Im 15 and need thier consent for treatment.

How can I get hrt without my parents consent. I know diy is dangerous, but it isn’t a choice. It’s something I need to do. The thoughts of how I’m getting more masculine each day are eating me away on the inside.

So whats the safest way to diy. Also what dosege should I use.

Some of the replies:

“Get on hormones now”

“DIY is almost harmless”

More advice on how to obtain medications illegally

“Pressure your mother by telling her how hard your life will be”

If you wait, you will lose thousands of dollars, your life will be stressful and you will have a hard time finding love

Calling hormones “magical pills”

Yet another 15 year old, asking what the appropriate age to start hormones is. And the replies:

Another teen, this time a 17 year old, posts.

Is waiting six months going to harm my transition in any significant way, or is it a good decision to just wait half a year?

And there are plenty of replies urging him to start as soon as possible.

Even though there are a few voices of dissent, the majority of the replies to these young teens tell them that they should look into hormones, and it is not difficult to get very concrete advice on how to obtain them, often illegally. Very rarely do the commenters talk about other possible explanations for the feelings these teens have.

Another young person, this one in her early twenties, asks for advice here.

I first came out in 2011 but being ‘trans’ still seems surreal to me. As a child I was mostly indifferent to gender and don’t think I understood it well, I climbed trees, played with chemistry sets and built things. The feelings began roughly after puberty, around 13, when I began developing breasts, hips and a menstrual cycle. It was at this point I was diagnosed with major depression and put on Prozac. I immediately noticed that the menstrual cycle felt un natural and it still does. I felt very uncomfortable having breasts and wore clothing to conceal them and my hips. I starved myself so that my figure was more boyish. I was jealous of guys, thinking I would feel so much happier in that body. Looking at my face, I felt extremely ugly. I felt like a dude in makeup with a face that was neither quite male or female. I also have no ‘maternal instinct’ whatsoever. I find babies sort of cute, but that’s it. I have no drive to reproduce.

(…)

My teenage years were depressing, mostly due to my distraction with my physical appearance and illness. I avoided mirrors like the plague. I also disliked my name because it’s super feminine, but feel better when people use the short form (which is masculine). I feel much more comfortable wearing clothes for men and not wearing makeup. In 2011 my GP dx’d me with GD but I still ask myself if I really am trans and I feel scared of what I’m going to do to myself. When I imagine my face and body looking masculine, I feel happier about it, and more confident. According to my digit ratios I was exposed to very high testosterone levels while I was developing as my ring finger is almost an inch longer than my index finger.

A young woman who has struggled with depression, eating disorders, and who dislikes gendered stereotypes and makeup. Conclusion: trans, must immediately undergo radical body modifications.

Some choice replies:

No one asks about her getting treatment for depression, or eating disorders. No one talks about how it’s possible to be a masculine woman, how it’s possible to prefer men’s clothing and no makeup even as a woman.

This is the state of many online transgendee communities. People, often adults, willing to give medical advice, telling teenagers and children that they should start this medical treatment as soon as possible, and that the consequences of not doing so is losing money, not being beautiful, having difficulties finding friends and partners. Telling them that hormones are magic pills. Never telling anyone to wait, to question their motives, to listen to their parents. It’s very frightening.